Tag Archive | respect

You Spin Me ‘Round ‘Round Baby, Right ‘Round

Do you ever feel like you woke up in the movie Groundhog Day?  Not only do you have to listen to that dreadful “I’ve Got You Babe” over and over again, but your life just feels like a broken freaking record.

I have the same gripe with one of my male friends at LEAST once a week.  You text me, I text you back, you ignore me.  It is infuriating! It’s disrespectful and I swear he does it intentionally because he KNOWS it gets under my skin.  I actually retweeted @IamMicheleK‘s tweet yesterday AS I was being ignored: “Not responding to a text just means you’re an inconsiderate asshole”.  BINGO!  I mean how hard is it, especially when you are the one that initiated the damn conversation!

I also have friends that are notorious for not responding to invitations until right up and upon said invite date.  Hold Outs is what I call them.  They are the ones always waiting until the last possible moment to weigh all options of plans and picking the best one.  Here’s the thing.  We are on to you.  It’s inconsiderate. And eventually, you’re just not going to be invited anywhere anymore as part of my aforementioned Social Experiment.

Lastly, for now, I have co-workers that I go through the same song and dance weekly, if not more often.  Whine when you don’t have enough work.  Whine when you do have work. And being a 50 year old man, you REALLY shouldn’t be throwing a temper tantrum like your 5 year old granddaughter… yes, this actually happened.

I guess the comfort in the spinning record is that you always know what you are going to get, and whom you are going to get it from…record

Thank you for being a friend!

We’ve all heard the theme song from Golden Girls a million times over.  Or is that just me because I’m destined to be a crazy cat lady and watch it every night before going to bed??  Ohhhhh but I digress….

Today I read two very poignant messages about friends.  One was a text message I received that said “As I get older, I appreciate my true friends more.  Thank you for just being you. I don’t know what I’d do without you in my life.”  The other was in a blog post I read from Eclectikramblings that said “And once again, especially now, there is nothing there to even go back to. I have one friend left there, the rest dropped me the second I left. None of them have checked in on me to see how I’m doing or anything, just one – and we’ve been friends since college. Life is funny that way.”

It seems so strange that while polar opposite, I can relate to both messages so clearly.

Why is it that some people you call friends would drop you in a heartbeat if they had something to gain from it?  Why is it that some friends never ever make the first move, be it a phone call, a text, a plan to meet up?  Why do others drop EVERYTHING for you no matter what, without hesitation?  Are these qualities in a person’s true character?  Or is it related to the friendship itself?

I feel like I have so many questions and no answers.

I feel heartbroken that I never got an explanation from a “friend” who RSVP’d to my birthday party, yet never responded to the texts I sent that day explaining details, and never bothered to showed up.  Not even sending a text with a lame excuse as to why they couldn’t make it last minute.  And never bothered with a call or text on my actual birthday.

But then I also feel overwhelmed with love and joy when I realize who my friends are and who would never leave my side. The ones we laugh til we cry with, drink til we cry with, or fight til we cry with.

I am going to do a social experiment starting in January.  I am going to stop making all of the effort, all of the plans, all of the phone calls.  And see who is really with me when push comes to shove.  Because those people are going to get the card that says, “Thank you for being a friend.”

Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true your a pal and a confidant. And if you through a party
Invited everyone you ever knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say thank you for being a friend.

Are there any Groupons for Therapy Sessions?

Sam: Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we’re nothing?
Charlie: We accept the love we think we deserve.” – Perks of Being A Wallflower

The movie hasn’t even come out yet, but in the trailer on TV, something resonated with me in ways I will never really be able to put into words.  I have some ideas of where they originate from, but not all.

Looking back on my life, I have been used and abused (not literally- I apparently have some ground to stand on) by the men in my life.  And I realize, I LET them treat me like that.  I’ve been the soul bread-winner, the cheerleader, the support system, and the doormat.  I have never had a healthy relationship.  One that is equal at give and take.  It’s always give, give, give, and forgive.  I’ve been cheated on.  I have had a long-distance relationship choose seeing his “fan club” of 100 friends over seeing me, CANCELLING his per-arranged plans to visit me.  His girlfriend.  He LOVED me.  Right.  I’ve been broken up with on my birthday.  I’ve been told “I can’t be in a relationship” TWICE by the same guy.  Only for him to pick up a girlfriend in the process.  BOTH TIMES. I’ve been with the selfish, the mean and the lazy.

Now give me a little bit of credit.  I am not with any of these assholes any more.  I do not TALK to any of these assholes anymore.  But it’s the fact that I ever allowed them to have their way with me and take advantage of my selflessness that has me saying enough is enough.  After dating for 20-ish years.  Better late than never, no?

It’s not about having “must haves” or “deal breakers” when finding a partner.  For me it’s about respect.  I am willing to date someone that might not seem ideal, if they at least can treat me with an ounce of decency and not find a way to walk all over me.  I will figure this out.  It’s not going to be easy.  But it’s about damn time. I deserve it.