Tag Archive | love

“To date, or not to date?” That is just me talking to myself.

I met a really great guy last year. We totally hit it off, connected, communicated, had fun, laughed, and wanted the same things. And then the day after my birthday he decided he couldn’t date me.

AKA he met someone else. I’m not stupid.

Anyway, I was completely shocked. My spirit crushed. I couldn’t bring myself to date. Yes, I’m being dramatic. Even though we had only been on five dates, we had been friends for about a year. Enough time to know what kind of person someone is and wants to be.

I swore off dating. This was last fall. I reluctantly agreed to go out on a date this winter with a new guy. He flaked. Twice. If I didn’t think I was done dating before, I was definitely done then.

But then spring sprang. I have been out and about enjoying this gorgeous weather while seeing couples enjoying each other. Quite honestly, it makes me lonely. I miss having that connection with someone.

So over the past few days I’ve been debating getting back online… I really hate online dating, but this organically meeting a mate thing ain’t happening.  What’s a girl to do…

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Good News- you DON’T have VD!

As a follow up to my post yesterday I absolutely HAD to post today, the epitome of what I was trying to say…

My friend Amy is in a long distance relationship.  Sure it’s tough, but they are working on a solution that hopefully comes to fruition this spring.  You know what he did? He didn’t waste money on chocolates or flowers that will be consumed and forgotten.  He got on a plane, and flew 1500 miles to show up on her doorstep.

It doesn’t matter if it’s Valentine’s Day, or Tuesday.  He was his gift to her.  And as soon as spring, he will be again, every day.

 

VD- Letters together few ever like to hear…

So WHO actually likes VD?  The disease or the “holiday”?  Either way you are screwed, and not in a good way.  Well, with the former it may have started as a good screw… but I digress.

Again, I ask, who actually enjoys this “holiday”?  Let’s take a looksie…

Single Men:  Avoid girls around this time at all costs, for fear of being roped into the hype. Meanwhile unable to get laid during this time due to said fear. It’s a shame, really.
Single Ladies:  It is torture being reminded at every turn that you are alone.  The grocery stores, the emails pimping products, the jewelry commercials, it goes on and on.
Attached Men:  The PRESSURE, I mean it is daunting, right? The EXPECTATIONS, may the force be with you, Sirs…
Attached Women:  This is the only segment of the population that possibly enjoys this “holiday”.  Which is sad really. Being showered with overpriced flowers and chocolates. Really? You should be cherished by your lover every day, not just because Hallmark says so.

My good friend (who is male mind you) said it best: I am your gift, and you are mine.  Everyday…

Disclaimer: Yes, I may be single, but you know what? I was showered with love from my mom and my best friend today.  So I am not bitter, I just think the whole concept is silly and wasteful…I’m the dork that finds a gift that is PERFECT for someone and give it to them out of the blue, not because the calendar tells me to… THAT is a day of love…

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Thank you for being a friend!

We’ve all heard the theme song from Golden Girls a million times over.  Or is that just me because I’m destined to be a crazy cat lady and watch it every night before going to bed??  Ohhhhh but I digress….

Today I read two very poignant messages about friends.  One was a text message I received that said “As I get older, I appreciate my true friends more.  Thank you for just being you. I don’t know what I’d do without you in my life.”  The other was in a blog post I read from Eclectikramblings that said “And once again, especially now, there is nothing there to even go back to. I have one friend left there, the rest dropped me the second I left. None of them have checked in on me to see how I’m doing or anything, just one – and we’ve been friends since college. Life is funny that way.”

It seems so strange that while polar opposite, I can relate to both messages so clearly.

Why is it that some people you call friends would drop you in a heartbeat if they had something to gain from it?  Why is it that some friends never ever make the first move, be it a phone call, a text, a plan to meet up?  Why do others drop EVERYTHING for you no matter what, without hesitation?  Are these qualities in a person’s true character?  Or is it related to the friendship itself?

I feel like I have so many questions and no answers.

I feel heartbroken that I never got an explanation from a “friend” who RSVP’d to my birthday party, yet never responded to the texts I sent that day explaining details, and never bothered to showed up.  Not even sending a text with a lame excuse as to why they couldn’t make it last minute.  And never bothered with a call or text on my actual birthday.

But then I also feel overwhelmed with love and joy when I realize who my friends are and who would never leave my side. The ones we laugh til we cry with, drink til we cry with, or fight til we cry with.

I am going to do a social experiment starting in January.  I am going to stop making all of the effort, all of the plans, all of the phone calls.  And see who is really with me when push comes to shove.  Because those people are going to get the card that says, “Thank you for being a friend.”

Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true your a pal and a confidant. And if you through a party
Invited everyone you ever knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say thank you for being a friend.

Are there any Groupons for Therapy Sessions?

Sam: Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we’re nothing?
Charlie: We accept the love we think we deserve.” – Perks of Being A Wallflower

The movie hasn’t even come out yet, but in the trailer on TV, something resonated with me in ways I will never really be able to put into words.  I have some ideas of where they originate from, but not all.

Looking back on my life, I have been used and abused (not literally- I apparently have some ground to stand on) by the men in my life.  And I realize, I LET them treat me like that.  I’ve been the soul bread-winner, the cheerleader, the support system, and the doormat.  I have never had a healthy relationship.  One that is equal at give and take.  It’s always give, give, give, and forgive.  I’ve been cheated on.  I have had a long-distance relationship choose seeing his “fan club” of 100 friends over seeing me, CANCELLING his per-arranged plans to visit me.  His girlfriend.  He LOVED me.  Right.  I’ve been broken up with on my birthday.  I’ve been told “I can’t be in a relationship” TWICE by the same guy.  Only for him to pick up a girlfriend in the process.  BOTH TIMES. I’ve been with the selfish, the mean and the lazy.

Now give me a little bit of credit.  I am not with any of these assholes any more.  I do not TALK to any of these assholes anymore.  But it’s the fact that I ever allowed them to have their way with me and take advantage of my selflessness that has me saying enough is enough.  After dating for 20-ish years.  Better late than never, no?

It’s not about having “must haves” or “deal breakers” when finding a partner.  For me it’s about respect.  I am willing to date someone that might not seem ideal, if they at least can treat me with an ounce of decency and not find a way to walk all over me.  I will figure this out.  It’s not going to be easy.  But it’s about damn time. I deserve it.