I met a really great guy last year. We totally hit it off, connected, communicated, had fun, laughed, and wanted the same things. And then the day after my birthday he decided he couldn’t date me.
AKA he met someone else. I’m not stupid.
Anyway, I was completely shocked. My spirit crushed. I couldn’t bring myself to date. Yes, I’m being dramatic. Even though we had only been on five dates, we had been friends for about a year. Enough time to know what kind of person someone is and wants to be.
I swore off dating. This was last fall. I reluctantly agreed to go out on a date this winter with a new guy. He flaked. Twice. If I didn’t think I was done dating before, I was definitely done then.
But then spring sprang. I have been out and about enjoying this gorgeous weather while seeing couples enjoying each other. Quite honestly, it makes me lonely. I miss having that connection with someone.
So over the past few days I’ve been debating getting back online… I really hate online dating, but this organically meeting a mate thing ain’t happening. What’s a girl to do…
As a follow up to my post yesterday I absolutely HAD to post today, the epitome of what I was trying to say…
My friend Amy is in a long distance relationship. Sure it’s tough, but they are working on a solution that hopefully comes to fruition this spring. You know what he did? He didn’t waste money on chocolates or flowers that will be consumed and forgotten. He got on a plane, and flew 1500 miles to show up on her doorstep.
It doesn’t matter if it’s Valentine’s Day, or Tuesday. He was his gift to her. And as soon as spring, he will be again, every day.
“Sam: Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we’re nothing?
Charlie: We accept the love we think we deserve.” – Perks of Being A Wallflower
The movie hasn’t even come out yet, but in the trailer on TV, something resonated with me in ways I will never really be able to put into words. I have some ideas of where they originate from, but not all.
Looking back on my life, I have been used and abused (not literally- I apparently have some ground to stand on) by the men in my life. And I realize, I LET them treat me like that. I’ve been the soul bread-winner, the cheerleader, the support system, and the doormat. I have never had a healthy relationship. One that is equal at give and take. It’s always give, give, give, and forgive. I’ve been cheated on. I have had a long-distance relationship choose seeing his “fan club” of 100 friends over seeing me, CANCELLING his per-arranged plans to visit me. His girlfriend. He LOVED me. Right. I’ve been broken up with on my birthday. I’ve been told “I can’t be in a relationship” TWICE by the same guy. Only for him to pick up a girlfriend in the process. BOTH TIMES. I’ve been with the selfish, the mean and the lazy.
Now give me a little bit of credit. I am not with any of these assholes any more. I do not TALK to any of these assholes anymore. But it’s the fact that I ever allowed them to have their way with me and take advantage of my selflessness that has me saying enough is enough. After dating for 20-ish years. Better late than never, no?
It’s not about having “must haves” or “deal breakers” when finding a partner. For me it’s about respect. I am willing to date someone that might not seem ideal, if they at least can treat me with an ounce of decency and not find a way to walk all over me. I will figure this out. It’s not going to be easy. But it’s about damn time. I deserve it.