Are there any Groupons for Therapy Sessions?

Sam: Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we’re nothing?
Charlie: We accept the love we think we deserve.” – Perks of Being A Wallflower

The movie hasn’t even come out yet, but in the trailer on TV, something resonated with me in ways I will never really be able to put into words.  I have some ideas of where they originate from, but not all.

Looking back on my life, I have been used and abused (not literally- I apparently have some ground to stand on) by the men in my life.  And I realize, I LET them treat me like that.  I’ve been the soul bread-winner, the cheerleader, the support system, and the doormat.  I have never had a healthy relationship.  One that is equal at give and take.  It’s always give, give, give, and forgive.  I’ve been cheated on.  I have had a long-distance relationship choose seeing his “fan club” of 100 friends over seeing me, CANCELLING his per-arranged plans to visit me.  His girlfriend.  He LOVED me.  Right.  I’ve been broken up with on my birthday.  I’ve been told “I can’t be in a relationship” TWICE by the same guy.  Only for him to pick up a girlfriend in the process.  BOTH TIMES. I’ve been with the selfish, the mean and the lazy.

Now give me a little bit of credit.  I am not with any of these assholes any more.  I do not TALK to any of these assholes anymore.  But it’s the fact that I ever allowed them to have their way with me and take advantage of my selflessness that has me saying enough is enough.  After dating for 20-ish years.  Better late than never, no?

It’s not about having “must haves” or “deal breakers” when finding a partner.  For me it’s about respect.  I am willing to date someone that might not seem ideal, if they at least can treat me with an ounce of decency and not find a way to walk all over me.  I will figure this out.  It’s not going to be easy.  But it’s about damn time. I deserve it.

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