“Sam: Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we’re nothing?
Charlie: We accept the love we think we deserve.” – Perks of Being A Wallflower
The movie hasn’t even come out yet, but in the trailer on TV, something resonated with me in ways I will never really be able to put into words. I have some ideas of where they originate from, but not all.
Looking back on my life, I have been used and abused (not literally- I apparently have some ground to stand on) by the men in my life. And I realize, I LET them treat me like that. I’ve been the soul bread-winner, the cheerleader, the support system, and the doormat. I have never had a healthy relationship. One that is equal at give and take. It’s always give, give, give, and forgive. I’ve been cheated on. I have had a long-distance relationship choose seeing his “fan club” of 100 friends over seeing me, CANCELLING his per-arranged plans to visit me. His girlfriend. He LOVED me. Right. I’ve been broken up with on my birthday. I’ve been told “I can’t be in a relationship” TWICE by the same guy. Only for him to pick up a girlfriend in the process. BOTH TIMES. I’ve been with the selfish, the mean and the lazy.
Now give me a little bit of credit. I am not with any of these assholes any more. I do not TALK to any of these assholes anymore. But it’s the fact that I ever allowed them to have their way with me and take advantage of my selflessness that has me saying enough is enough. After dating for 20-ish years. Better late than never, no?
It’s not about having “must haves” or “deal breakers” when finding a partner. For me it’s about respect. I am willing to date someone that might not seem ideal, if they at least can treat me with an ounce of decency and not find a way to walk all over me. I will figure this out. It’s not going to be easy. But it’s about damn time. I deserve it.
